Working from home

I work from home.
It sounds like a luxury and in a way it is. I don't have to squeeze into a hot tube train with too many other people every morning and every night. I can just tumble out of bed and work in my dressing gown while sipping tea.

Supposedly, it allows me to spend more time with my family, but that's actually trickier than it seems. True, I'm 'home'. I'm physically there, sitting by my computer right where they can see and touch me. However, my employer does actually expect me to work. I do shifts and need to be logged in and online at set times, and the work I do is logged. So even though it seems like I'm there for them, my family has to cope without me. This entails its own special kind of working-mother-guilt. Mothers who work outside of the home, don't have to see the housework not being done. They don't have to witness their toddler being ignored while watching too many hours of Cbeebies. They don't actively have to be the one doing the ignoring! They can drop off their child at the lovely local nursery, secure in the belief that their child is getting the best care money can buy.

Paying for child care is not an option for me though. The whole reason I work at all, is because we need the money as long as Kirk is ill. He is now the house-husband, responsible for child care and school runs, cooking and laundry. But because he is ill, he cannot and should not be expected to do a perfect job. And then there's another case of guilt because I'm working and making him do more than he is able. I'm supposed to be caring for him.

So I can either provide my husband and children with all the care and attention they need and should have, but then we'd be broke and eventually homeless - or I can work to help pay the bills, but then I have to watch Kirk overexert himself and the kids spend too much time in front of a screen. But I'm sure there's worse mothers out there.
And with the money I make, I hope to buy a Kinect for Christmas. I'll still ignore the kids, but maybe they'll at least get moving in front of the screen.